bare bones. happy heart. full being.

I am about to embark on one of the most important weeks of my life. ever. 7 days from now I'll be surrounded by my favorite girls dining on beautiful scrumptious foods and giggling about the next 24 hours. These beautiful women who are ushering me in, you would love them all. And then there's my family who is giving me away to the son-in-law/brother-in-law of their dreams after raising me up in love and truth and grace for 27 years.  And our friends and family who have watched us grow up, fall apart, fall in love, and begin to build this life together. 


I have a long list of things to do....but I thought it fitting that I read this today in my quiet time. And I needed to sit in my "running around" and find Him and find Jesus as the Center of these doings.  I thought it even more fitting that I share it with you dear hearts, given my season. 
From Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow
The section is titled  "God Created Your Body" and here are my favorite excerpts today: 
Psalm 139. Read it like you've never read it before. Insert your name. 

• In Hebrew, the word "wrought" means "embroidered." The same Hebrew word used to refer to the skillful and artistic needlework in the curtains of the Old Testament tabernacle. When God fashioned you, Jessica-Lauren, --
 you should pause insert your name here -- in your mother's womb (described in the Psalms as the "depths of the earth"), He embroidered with great skill. 

• ....if we are displeased with our physical form, we're really arguing with God. His is responsible for the color of our hair and the size of our nose and whether we have cellulite. 

• When we compare ourselves with others, we're told we are without understanding. The Living Bible says we're "stupid." 2 Corinthians 10:12

• "You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of Godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did."                       - Rev James Hufstetler

• "I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creatures that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, most precious thing in all thinking. "                              -George MacDonald (the man C.S. Lewis called his mentor) 

- a sweet friend of mine gave me this book during this busy season and it has been a perfect read

Good stuff huh? If you know me, you know I struggled off and on with exercise bulimia and anorexia nervosa for several years. If you have walked with me in the last year, you know God has done amazing miraculous things in this life (apart from AN/BE). That would take 100 million blog posts to describe and would still fall short. 

Some of my greatest freedom is revealed to me daily as I work with women on their journey to recovery. It is one of my greatest privileges in life. And to think, He knew I would not be satisfied with this frame, yet He equipped me (see Hebrews 13) fully for recovery, for life, for freedom, and He predestined that I would recover (long and painstakingly) and walk with other women through their beautiful battles as well. And that it would daily be my joy. And my accountability. And my continued hope for our God of miracles to come through for me in different ways because I bear witness to His miracles in others and am reminded of those He's already done for me. 

Everyone always uses the verse below in heartache to give hope. I wanted to slap some people for it along the way (you'll love me for my honesty). The "in all things" part is the piece that that what is so hard to swallow. When your mouth is parched, your belly aches, your heart wrenches in pain. However, when you are sitting where hindsight is 20/20, you can nod and amen and forget the tears and gut pain and cracking of the sternum and revel in the glory of Him and His goodness. He really is "Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think." (Ephesians 3:20)

"We are assured and know that, God being a partner in their labor, all things work together and are fitting into a plan for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose." Romans 8:28 

Back to the main point. Contentment. I marry my best friend, love of my life, God-given husband in 8 days. I have no idea how much I weigh anymore. I gave up the scale and vowed to never look at it again. That's part of my living in recovery and freedom. My wedding dress was not sized to require dieting or intense exercise. I can breathe and walk in it and enjoy my wedding day. My almost husband wants me to gain instead of lose, but will settle for maintaining at this healthy place. Do I ever have a bad day? Do I ever feel less than what I wanted to be on my wedding day? Do I ever feel anxious about the way my clothes fit? Yes. But those thoughts don't win out anymore. I know what is truth and what is a lie. And that is the majority of the battle. I know when to ask for affirmation. I know how to avoid the weight conversation with other women and steer clear of "fat talk." I don't believe in good food or bad food. I eat real cheese, enjoy desserts, listen to my body, and take care of myself. I don't exercise every day. I don't compensate. I don't punish myself. I don't deprive myself. I live. I really live. 

On my wedding day, I'll eat, drink and be merry-- with the one whom my heart loves, who was made for me by the One who saved me and made me for Himself.

Cheers to all of you. May you find Your rest in what He made you to be. And comfort in a Sister's words of His goodness in all things.